I haven't gone for a serious run in probably, well I actually don't even want to think about how long it's been but a very long time. It used to be my favorite thing to do. Then I got lazy..not so smart. But I just started trying to get back into my old routine. I thought it was going to be really difficult and by saying that it's not, I'm NOT saying that it's not challenging. I'm simply saying it isn't as hard as I was anticipating. Praise the Lord. Yesterday I ran 3 miles and I thought after the first half of the first one I was going to die, but I kept going.
I usually talk to myself when I'm running. For example, "You better not loaf lace, you don't get faster or build endurance if you don't push yourself," or "Dig, Dig up the hill, this is where races are won." I usually am more focused on being fast and pushing myself than actually enjoying my run. Not that I don't enjoy being fast. But yesterday I wanted to run because I am one of those "loner people" who needs my space and my alone time to just go think. I wanted to run yesterday for one purpose and one purpose only. That was to be alone and go spend time with my creator in the midst of his wonderfully and beautifully made creation. I started out the run talking to myself, of course, because that is what I always do. I was telling myself, "keep a pace, don't go too fast, but stay fast enough that your working." I know I'm a little bit weird, but either way about the the point that I got half way through the first mile, I realized I wanted to come out here to enjoy it and not necessarily kill myself trying to beat a time. I went on the run to spend time with God, not to push myself ridiculously.
Anyways needless to say, yes, I thought I was going to die occasionally yesterday, but instead of pushing myself and saying, "You're never going to get faster if you don't pick it up and push through the cramps," I told myself, "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me," and I believed it and I asked Him to help me make it through 3 miles, and it was at one of my best times, on my first day back. I don't really know how to explain in words how different my run was yesterday. It was better than maybe any run I've ever had. I literally couldn't wait to wake up today and run. To not just run but to go spend time out in the woods, going over God's creation, and just looking up at nothing but trees and sky, and thanking him for all of it. It was such a magnificent thing.
I am learning over and over in EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE, including running, that being submissive and surrendering to God and allowing him to use me and mold me into exactly what He wants me to be and giving him my all, kneeling down in my own strength because I know I can not do anything in my own strength, is all he asks of me. I am called to love like he loves and to obey him. I've been watching sermons online everyday lately and today the most impressing statement to me, that the pastor said was, "Don't be emotion driven, but spirit led." We are naturally emotionally driven, not spirit led. I know I harp a lot on the "choice," but it is so true and such a big issue. I think for a lot of people it's a constant battle to CHOSE to lay down our own lives and wants and goals for His and to further His kingdom and that is what it's all about. It is something we have to wake up everyday and do. Something that everyday I have to wake up and say "Thank you for today Lord, I am yours, I submit to you, use me and mold me."
I wrote a song not to long ago:
"I wanna bring Glory to Your Name
I wanna show everyone Your Love
I wanna be used by You
A vessel made by mercy
Jesus, come and be my ALL
Move. Speak. Mold me
Lord, Move. Speak. Mold me"
I sing that over and over throughout my day on a regular basis. I sing it because it was originally a prayer that I wrote in my journal. But on top of that I sing it because I want to truly be used by my Lord and truly bring Glory to his name, always. I pray for all believers, that we can all sincerely be vessels for HIS GLORY, and we can all show the world His Love. I am so thankful for him giving me the heart that he continually is changing and making more like his. I am so thankful for a group of believers, a body, to lean on, learn and grow with in him and his word and his understanding. A group of people who truly have a heart for spreading his love all over.
Recently we had a speaker come to our church and give a message at our Missions Banquet. He talked forever, and I'm pretty sure I yawned like 20 times. But I couldn't stop listening. He had such a heart for missions and not just missions but living "missionally" in his everyday life and teaching young people how to do the same. We are all so blessed to be a part of the Tuesday night group. I am so thankful to have friends and brothers and sisters in Christ who truly live with a heart for missions in their everyday lives. I am so thankful for the fact that everyone of them truly loves like I think God intended us to love. Loving on people and showing them Christ through that love is such a blessing to be a part of and to see. I am so thankful that it doesn't just stay in our Tuesday night group, but it goes out all over and everyone truly loves and honors our Lord by living a life that is about him and for him.
I know this post was all over the place and I'm sorry about that but I am just so excited lately; that I don't even know how to put it all into words. I had wanted to write about the freedom and joy I found in running and spending time alone with God and the importance of it, but I also wanted to write about the Tuesday night group that I am so thankful for. So it's a little bit of a scatter brained post. I am a little bit scatter brained though so I guess it is what it is (0: